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Need an excuse for missing school?

lyrics

Advice for school kids
The BEAR
1. I was down in the woods the other night
Looking for a possum with my flashlight
I shined my light upon his knees
But a 6 foot possum I’ve never seen
It was a big bear
I climbed a sapling
It was a tall bear
I climbed a fir tree
It was an angry bear so I sprouted wings
And I didn’t come down till morning
2. I was down in the woods the very next night
Armed to the teeth with a gun and knife
Ready for the bear and I heard a thunk
Got ready to aim, but was a skunk
It was the wrong end
I had to sleep outside
He was a good shot
I had to burn my clothes
He was an frightened skunk with an awful smell
And it lingered on all summer
3. I went down in the woods in the daylight
Yelled for the bear, “Come Out and Fight” (like the cowardly lion)
I slowly crept out through the trees
I heard a noise, it was a swarm of bees
It was a big swarm
I started running
It was like 1,000 needles
I kept on running
I did a swan dive into the pond
I got all 9’s and stuck the landing
4. So I’m down in the fish pond covered with mud
Yelled for help and I heard a thud
Then came a sproing, crash and a boom
Beaver dropped a tree In his front room
It was a big tree
Busy beaver
Split that pond
Just like a cleaver
When the tidal wave washed over me
Something in that pond sure tasted nasty
5. Don’t go down in the woods neither day or night
The critters there will pick a fight
Big sharp teeth and ready to bite
You be looking left when you shoulda looked right
Something sneaky
It’s like a bad dream
Frogs with big eyes
Coyotes on steroids
Rabbits with gang tactics
Weasels with long spikey tails
Sssss snakes with roomy stomachs

And you won’t be coming home anytime soon
You might die
Have to miss school
You’ll need a good excuse…
So, Write this down

It was a big bear
I climbed a sapling
It was a tall bear I climbed a fir tree
It was an angry bear and I sprouted wings and I didn’t come home till morning.

credits

from Family History, released March 9, 2023
Songwriter: J.W. McClure on guitar and vocals; Thaddeus Spae on harmonica and guitarron

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J.W. McClure Seattle, Washington

J.W. McClure lives in Stanwood, Washington. This is a career restarted for me. In the 1970’s I was often an opening act at the Washington D.C. clubs, The Cellar Door and The Childe Harold for Tom Paxton, Dave Van Ronk, Tom Rush and many well known bands. In the 1980’s I returned to Washington to do folk music, satire and stand-up comedy before getting swamped by family and other work. ... more

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